the night before MY surgery

The night before my surgery was when I was the most anxious. 

I remember feeling like, am I really ready? 

I double checked my hospital bag a million times. 

I got my hair blown out ( I know this seems silly but it made me feel more confident) 

I knew the only way to calm my nerves was to be distracted.

So my family and friends went out to a big dinner and we just laughed and talked and ate. 

We barely brought up the surgery and I barely thought about it. 

But when I got home that night reality sunk it and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I remember turning on a hot shower and just balling my eyes out. 

I was so scared and I felt so alone. 

This is totally normal. We would be crazy not to be scared. This is a huge life changing decision.

I made sure to put on my air-diffuser with lavender because that always calms me. 

And I repeated my mantra over and over in my head.