My list to help you find your happiness
Hey babes! Not sure if this is something that many of you will have noticed - maybe you did?! - but I was in a DARK place for the past few months. and I mean… DAAARRRRKKKK. I seemed to have completely lost myself there for awhile. Which is super frustrating when things in your life are going well and you know you ‘should’ be happy but can’t seem to get yourself out of the funk. Ever been there before?
It was one of the first periods in my life where I didn’t really like myself. I was constantly questioning myself. I was afraid of what people around me thought of me and was constantly comparing myself to others. IT WAS EXHAUSTING!! If you have had to deal with that for long periods in your life - I AM SORRY! Because its the worst feeling in the world.
After months of beating myself down and getting to a really bad place I woke up one morning and was like ENOUGH ALREADY. This is not who I am. I made some major changes, did some really hard internal work on my mind, energy and soul, figured out a few things that works for me and some that didn’t.
I am SUPER excited to be sharing this list with you of everything that worked for me. These are not overnight hacks, they took me months to adopt, but now I do these things weekly/daily and I am so excited and PROUD to be able to say that I am feeling SO good. I not only love myself again, I actually really like myself. And when you feel like that about yourself - you realize you don’t have to give a damn what anyone else thinks- because YOU are good with YOU!
the 5 minute journal
This journal has been the best $22 I have EVER spent. It has changed my life. I know some of you may be rolling your eyes like - ok crazy journal lady - but SERIOUSLY try it for yourself. I was NEVER a journal-er. I always wanted to be but I couldn’t get myself to stick to it. The Five Minute Journal is all guided, its the same prompt every day, and I look forward to it more than anything.
Click HERE to get your own 5 Minute Journal
The reason it has changed my life is because I found myself reaching for my phone first thing in the morning when I woke up and right before I went to bed. Starting off my day looking at my phone was such a bad habit. Instead of waking up and getting to feel how I wanted to feel and thinking how i wanted to think, I was immediately influenced by what was going on on my phone. The second I opened my eyes I would reach for my phone - check instagram, read texts, check emails. It was STRESSFUL!!! I would feel overwhelmed and all the rest, relaxation and creative energy that I built up over night was immediately replaced by stress, anxiety, and other peoples feelings and emotions.
IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO PROTECT YOUR ENERGY. I protect mine at ALL costs ( I will talk a lot about this)
Try out the journal - instead of reaching for my phone first thing in the AM I reach for my journal. I write out what I am grateful for and at the end of the day you think about your experiences and it prompts you to write how you could have made the day better. I am finding it harder and harder to think of a way the day could have been better - and thats a pretty amazing feeling!
Click HERE to get your own 5 Minute Journal
Ok this is a big one.. and I know therapy can be scary for some people. It took me awhile to actually commit to regular therapy. I didn’t think I ‘needed’ it. But it has been so transformative and life changing for me. With most things in life, you get what you put into it. So if you are willing to dig deep, do the work, and make some serious strides toward investing in your future and changing your life, then I recommend you find a therapist. Dr. Wayne has changed my life and I love him so much for helping me find inner peace.
So how do you find one….? Here are a few ways:
Different ways to find a therapist:
1: Find out what plan you have and what your insurance covers. Call the number on your insurance card and ask! They will give you referrals for doctors in your area if it’s covered in your plan. They can provide referrals for therapists in your area that take your insurance. Also, ask if that therapist is IN network or OUT of network. These are different costs and your insurance can tell you if you will have a copayment or not. In network is usually better and more cost affective for you. If there isn’t someone IN network who you want to work with, you should ask if your preferred doctor PARTICIPATES with your plan.
2: Another way is using psychologytoday.com . When you click ‘find a therapist’ go to the filter section and put your insurance in first!! That way you automatically are only looking at therapists that take your insurance. Then filter the area you’re in. Message multiple therapists!! The more you message the better the chance of someone getting back to you. If there is a phone number? Call! Always double check with your insurance if someone you find on this website is covered. Call that same number on your card and just ask if they’re covered under your plan and either in or out of network. Sometimes people have a deductible to pay before paying regular rates. The therapist CAN work with you. Just always call your insurance because they will tell you what the cost will end up being.
If you don’t have insurance ? PLENTY of therapists accept ‘private pay clients.’ Go on psychologytoday.com. Contact someone in your area and ask if they accept private pay (since you don’t have insurance) ask them for their rates! Ask for sliding scale if it’s too much for you! And be honest, tell them the range that you were looking to pay and see if they can work with you or point you in the right direction.
**When speaking to a therapist**
Things to know:
-They have to give you a referral if they cannot take you on as a client, they will find someone who can, no matter what.
-you can always ask for a sliding scale if the prices and rates of that therapist are too much for you.
-ask for availability and open slots in their schedule and see if it works with your schedule. Most therapists are flexible.
-go with your gut and see if you feel comfortable talking to this person! If you don’t, no therapist will ever be offended if you say you don’t think this is the right fit!
-if you’re looking for psychotropic medication, psychiatrists are the ones the prescribe!! Not therapists.
I have such a love/hate relationship with exercising. Before my surgery, I trained for my double mastectomy (Breastie workout coming soon!) So before my surgery i was in the best shape of my life!! Then after surgery I felt a bit defeated - like well… now what? I didn’t want to start training again only to lose my strength AGAIN after my exchange surgery. So I fell into some bad habits aka not working out and not eating well. My body DOES NOT respond well to that. I ENJOY working out. It makes me happy!
But when I was working out because I HATED my body it wasn’t making me happy. It seemed like a chore. I had to rework my mindset into working out because I LOVE my body. I am also a huge believer in the idea that we have to change the words we use. Instead of saying, “I HAVE to work out,” we can reset our mindset to, “I GET to workout!” Because it truly is a gift when our bodies are working properly and we should show our love and appreciation for our bodies by moving them in happy and healthy ways!
What helped me get back on the exercise train was finding a gym near my apartment and testing out different times that worked in my schedule. For one week I tried working out in the morning. For one week I tried working out in the afternoon. And for one week I tried working out at night. I found that working out first thing in the morning is what worked best for me! I came up with a morning routine ( I will be sharing mine soon!) which partially consists of me waking up, filling out my five minute journal, and then going to the gym!
New workout clothes are also a big motivator. Go through your drawer of workout clothes, get rid of anything you don’t wear or want to wear, and slowly restock as you can afford to do so. Forever21 makes pretty decent workout clothes for an affordable price and so does Aerie!
This has majorly helped me. I was using food as a tool for my unhappiness- thinking that it would comfort me and make me feel better. I was eating ALL of the wrong things for my body. I am pretty sensitive so eating highly processed and fast-foods makes me break out, bloat, and feel groggy and crabby. I wasn’t taking the time to meal prep and when I was out with friends I would drink way too much and eat EVERYTHING fried and greasy - because I thought it would make me feel good. But instead, it made my insides feel even more crappy.
Planning out my meals, looking at the menu ahead of time, and suggesting heathy options has worked sooo well for me! For a long time I didn’t want to be THAT person - the one who had the annoyingly healthy order when everyone else was indulging in fries. But if the fries don’t make you feel good - don’t eat them! Your friends WILL understand. And you might even inspire them to eat healthier as well! I also call ahead - for example if I am going out for mexican food and know I am going to want chips and guac because DUH - I see if they have veggies for dipping! Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. If they don’t, I bring a baggie of chopped veggies and use those!
Don’t get me wrong though - I still eat what I want and indulge in my favorite foods. Justin and I enjoyed some TacoBell last night and it was DELICIOUS!!! TBH I didn’t even feel that crappy afterwards. I think my body is happy with the balance I have created for it and so it isn’t angry with me because I am feeding it foods that make it feel good. Listen to your cravings and just try to eat the foods that don’t make you feel as good but taste delish in moderation!
Learning how to detoxify my life - with people and possessions - has made a huge difference. As you already know, I am HUGE into energy. Well toxic people and products can poison your energy! I no longer keep people in my life who bring bad energy and I have transitioned to using only CLEAN and NONTOXIC products in my home and on my body. All my cleaning supplies, beauty products, etc are natural and nontoxic. It can be hard to figure out where to find those or what that means. A great place to start is Grove Collaborative.
All of their products are natural and nontoxic and its ALL in one place. Check out their website - its like the Amazon of natural products. Plus when you use this LINK you get some freebies and free shipping - SCORE!
Knowing when to say NO - and when to say YES
It has taken me A LONG TIME to figure this out and I still don’t have it completely nailed down yet. In the beginning of this year I deemed 2017 as my year of YES! Has anyone read Shonda Rhimes book?! I won’t lie, I haven’t read it yet but the title is pretty self explanatory - right!?
If there is something I am unsure about, if it seems risky, exciting, or an actually I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY ANSWER SHOULD BE, I am saying YES!! I figured whats the worst that can happen and its just for a year - right?! This mentality has opened SO many doors for me and its been really fun!
But I also am learning what is a definite NO and I am no longer afraid for saying NO and turning down opportunities that don’t feel right.
As I already mentioned - WE MUST PROTECT OUR ENERGY and if you only have so much to give - you have to give it to the places that you really want to give it to. I have started saying NO to going out to the clubs with my friends - it just doesn’t serve me anymore. I don’t want to be hungover and I would rather snuggle on the couch with Bo$$y and Justin #grandmastatus
I felt really bad about constantly saying NO to plans with friends, and when they stopped inviting me I did feel left out, but we chatted about it and we have come up with alternative plans and ways to spend time together. Like going out for fun dinners, having movie nights, etc! Be open with your reasons and protect your energy at all costs.
Ok this was REALLY fun! So I was at a FabFitFun event recently and had DEREK JAMESON do an Oracle Reading on me. Oracle readings basically connect you with your guardians and tell you about your life’s path. It was SUPER healing for me because I have had a LOT of transition this year and it reaffirmed SO many things for me - like that I am living out my lives purpose and I am on the right path. AMAZE. If you don’t care for this sort of thing - feel free to skip ahead. If you are into the woo woo then feel free to continue and I will include what Dereck said about my life!!
Ok so If you are like - WTF Is an Oracle Reading here is a basic description:
Oracle cards are a set of cards used for divination and allows you to connect with your guardians. Each card has a picture and a name, and nothing else. There is nothing outside of the oracle card to tell you what it means. Because oracle cards don’t have number, elemental, or suit references to help read them, the reader is forced to be more intuitive in order to gain insight into an answer. Unlike tarot, oracle cards tend to emphasize positive thought. You won’t find something like the swords suit in an oracle card deck. There are some cards that look negative on the surface, but if you look closely, they are actually framing that negativity differently than expected so that it is positive- acknowledges the negative and then gives a positive spin.
Derek is AMAZING and you can do a reading with him if you live or visit Los Angeles or you can set up a call or FT. I HIGHLY recommend. Check him out HERE.
Here is a photo of the cards he pulled for me:
My Life Path Reading by Dereck:
1.Gift or Strength: Prioritize
Archangel Metatron is the Archangel who oversees all the others. He keeps things in order and
focuses on those things of important. You have the gift/strength of focusing on what matters
most. Putting those things in your life that need the highest of attention, love, and priority. You
have to power of Metatron to stay focused and motivated within the direction you are facing.
2. Current or Present Situation: Beloved One
Archangel Chamuel is the Archangel of love, peace, harmony, and oversees your heart chakra.
At the time we did the reading there was a sense of extreme love surrounding you. You felt
taken care of and supported. In that present time you also were bonding with your highest and
spiritual self. Really loving the relationship with yourself and magnetizing love toward you just
by having love for you.
3. What supports your happiness: Clear Your Space
Archangel Jophiel oversees the root chakra. Jophiel is the archangel of beautiful and making
things around you feel beautiful and grounded. Having a clean clear space in all planes of your
existence; mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical, keeps you thriving, uplifted, and happy.
4. An obstacle or challenge you overcame/overcoming:
Sometimes it’s hard to see that we are doing things exactly as we should be when we are
clouded by the mess of what is happening all around us. That’s when it is most important to go
inward with stillness and listen to ourselves. It’s there we can see our victories. Archangel
Sandalphon is the Archangel of faith and is also very connected to Metatron. It’s hard to see we
are victorious when we start losing faith…we forget all those victories we have won which make
us this powerful beast of a human we are today. You overcame this reality of not feeling
successful into the reality of so much more.
5. What your Angels want you to know: All is Well
Archangel Jeremiel is the angel of dreams and visions. You are completely supported by your
angels. (I got so many chills when I just typed that btw.). Trust that everything is happening just
as it is supposed to be. We choose our realities before we enter this body. We even make
plans for varying times to check out if we are wanting to do so. We make contracts and
agreements with the other souls we come across to help us along the path. You going through
your experiences were all part of your life plan because you had to do something big to guide
others. You have been supported in this process all along and will continue to be supported.
Your dreams… your visions… everything you see in your minds eye is all before you… trust in
the process that you are receiving all that you can at this current moment in your
consciousness. It will only grow. It all serves a purpose.
6. What your Guides want you to know: Gifts From God
Archangel Sandalphon is back again to ensure you have faith in the process. Archangel
Sandalphon also oversees the the last sphere of the Tree of Life. This sphere is the “Kingdom”
or our world and all the people, animals, and experiences in it. It is all a gift for you. Those
beings you made agreements with are all giving you those gifts which are your experiences to
share and teach others in this life. You are receiving because you are GIVING. It is part of your
7. What your heart wants you to know: Outdoors
Archangel Jophiel comes through again with a message of beauty and grounding. You heart
knows that when you connect with the Earth, you are connecting with your soul. When you put
your bare feet into the dirt, on the grass, the sand, the ocean, you are infusing your body and
your spirit with the energy of the Earth. You are healing yourself with the power of the Earth.
You know that much healing comes with being grounded and infusing your cells with the
connection with nature. Always seek to go OUTDOORS when you need healing. The spirit and
angels of the plants and the natural world will give you much needed reviatalization.
*Remember this… there are only 3 cards per archangel in the deck. You got 2 from 2 of them.
These angels step through to make sure you focus on these the most. Beauty and Faith.
Beauty in all its forms and Faith in all things.
How cool is THAT?!?! If you want to get your own Oracle reading by Dereck you can reach out to him through his website and let him know I sent you! HERE.
One of the biggest transformations for me was confronting the things I didn't like abut myself and working on changing them. The first step is recognizing your weaknesses, admitting them, and then working on changing them.
THIS IS REALLY HARD.
I have struggled with this a lot but I am finally in a place (thanks Dr. Wayne!) where I am able to admit the things that I need to work on.
I really struggle with disappointing people. often times I am so worried about disappointing someone I end up making up excuses for myself which are interpreted as lies - and then I upset someone even more!
For example - If I was invited to an event that I knew I couldn’t go to or didn’t want to go to - instead of being open and saying, “ Thank you for the invite but I won’t be making it!” I would make something up! Some insane story as to why I MIGHT not be there… and then it would come out somehow (because I am a terrible liar) that I actually just didn’t want to go and then people get mad, and its a disaster!!! When If I had just simply said I wouldn’t be there - it wouldn’t be dramatic or a big deal at all.
This is something i am REALLY working on and I am super proud of myself. It has helped so much and I already feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Hallelujah!
self love tools
there are a few self love tools that have really helped me - two in particular.
I have posted about this before but the self love pinky rings by Fred and Far are truly life changing for body positivity. Check out my post HERE for more info and you can use the code BREASTIE for 15% off your oder.
If you don’t want to spend $$$ on a ring, Post It’s make a big difference! I put post-its up on my mirrors with motivating mantras. If I don’t have post-its on hand, I use my lipstick! lol
PHOTOSHOOT!! I did a super empowering body positive photoshoot with my photog Daphne and seeing the photos made me LOVE and APPRECIATE my body SO much. If you can, I would book a shoot with Daphne. If not, TAKE YOUR OWN PHOTOS! Set up a self timer and work those angles girlies!!
I hope some of these tips help you as much as they help me!! I would love to hear your thoughts and if YOU have found anything thats helped you - please feel free to share in the comments below! Love you all so much!!